The way I see it we have three meeting points:
Mind, Heart and Body

Through conversations our minds can meet. Once we share emotions our hearts can connect. Once we feel each other bodies; the weight, the strength, the physicality, then our bodies meet.

As we interact in the world we normally only meet in minds. Sometimes heart, especially once we deem the other person safe enough to confide in. What about our bodies? Sure there’s the occasional hug or pat on the back, but since we’re also tactile beings, we need more touch. This also translate into the trigger and trauma world where physical co-regulation, as in using another body, another nervous system to regulate our own, makes a massive difference in how we can work through our triggers and other relational “stuff”.  Combine this with our inner world of consent; boundaries, my true yes and no, and the depth of our interaction will multiply tenfolds.

Breath, touch, sound and movement are key points  that is needed to be brought into our interactions to fully “communicate” with each other on all levels.
And from a primal point of view; without having felt your weight or your strength or the physicality of your emptions, I don’t truly know you.

Imagine being able to interact from an true and honest version of you. Without all the layers of social masks and patterns…

Imagine if everyone else did the same too, how much more intimate any conversation or interaction would be.

“When I desire a certain outcome,

I’m actually not engaging to connect but to control.” 

Let’s move away from control and focus on connection!

Once we get into the deeper relational or sexual realms the need for authentic transparency is even more called for in our connection with each other. Do I touch you for your benefit or for my own? Do I take pleasure or do I give it? So often there’s a weird mismatch of action and intent, and it makes any touch unclear. So let’s make it clear.

Let’s start being authentically transparent in all our ways of meeting. 

We have got to start speaking more “languages; Tools like “wheel of consent”, “non-violent communication”, “radical honesty” and “authentic relating” are all gold for helping us to relate to each other from a more intimate and honest place within ourselves. 

A place more true.


Boundaries are for you. They are used to define what you will and will not accept. They are designed to control your own behaviour and clearly outline your own tolerance.

Rules are limiters for others. They are designed to control another person’s behaviour according to your values. They seldom work. Agreements on the other hand are ideal, as they are things you openly discuss and agree upon together.

For more tools and practices on relating (in Norwegian), go here.